Unavailable for an intimate connection

First you were available
Now I don't sense that anymore
I wanted to meet you in your fullness
And it feels I received a close door
I wanted to meet your Heart
You let me in
But now I sense you put up the armour

First you walked slowly towards me
And for a short while you ran into my embrace
And now I feel you run away
From intimacy
From your fear of intimacy
and fear of loss

And I understand your heart is not ready
It is okay
I will embrace my disappointments

And be with my sadness and grief
Based on expectations not based in Reality
I want to embrace Life as it is now

Heart-available for meeting me as she
meets me now

I am grateful for what we had
For the wisdom you taught me in
meeting me and not-meeting me
The feelings that were awoke in me
My Heart's tender response 

For the beautiful emotional intimacy we shared

Teaching me to be with myself in uncertainty
And to cherish Love when she shows up in Her beauty

She shows up
She disappears - seemingly
She changes form
Changes season
She is always there
Always Here
She hides below expectations
She is closer than your breath
She is underneath your judgments

She is always waiting
For you to show up
To Life's gentle invitation

/Anders Branderud, 31/12-2015