Poem, Heartbreak, Heart-opening

I wanted to protect myself from heartbreak.
To just push away all the uncomfortable feelings and pain.
To move on
Forget.
I did put on some armour
Played out a role.
Played to be approved.
Played to be loved.
Played in order to avoid being rejected.
This seemed to work for a while.
Existence wanted otherwise.

Deep heartbreak.
Tears rushing down my cheeks
Body shaking
For a moment giving up
Facades dropping away

For a moment
Totally wide open
Accepting what I feel
Open to the rejection of someone else
Being embraced by Existence
May seem like a contradiction
That you understand and deeply feel you are all accepted
when you in the Moment accept the rejection by someone else.

I did put on this thick layers of armour
To protect myself from becoming hurt.
To protect myself from pain
Protect myself from becoming rejected
Hindering me to really feel the
Soft Breeze
To Really Experience Life in the Moment

Always had this insecurity
Fear of that others may hurt me
Fear and mistrust of Existence
Now when armour is dropped
I find out that Existence is embracing me
Touching me gently.
There is nothing to fear.
Just rest and trust
And dare to let go off your armour.
The armour that is sheilding your heart from Life
That is pushing away Life from connecting with your Heart.

/Anders Branderud, 31/12-2014