Embracing a 'No to life'

Good morning
Oh this heavy feeling
What is it?
This no to life
Can it be embraced
Can I care for it
Can it be loved
What is this feeling in my body
In my chest
Based on the thought that something is wrong
That I did something wrong
That I will not manage to do what I am supposed to do today

Leave the past
Leave the future in the hands of existence
Embrace the Now
Now.

I have met you before
You are a frequent guest
Sort of unwelcomed
But you come anyways
Most of my life I tried to push you away
Positive thinking
Suppressing you
Not wanting to tell of you to others

Now
Lets be silent
Be with you in silence
Some heaviness
Just feel it
And let it be
Just be with the waves
They have something to teach you
Listen to the feelings
Let them smash at you
Like a cliff
Completely open and vulnerable to the waves of life
Not making any effort to run a way
Still And sensitive
Open to get grinded and formed by movements of existence

Still here
You have not left me
Stillness, Still you are here
In the midst of all dark, gloomy waves
You whisper in my ear
Be still
I will never abandon you
I am one with you
We are never divided
Always whole
You are fully embraced in unity with existence
Feeling this stillness
Diving deeper

Letting all waves come
Gently, smooth waves
Heavy, smashing waves
Seemingly overwhelming waves
Listening
Feeling the same stillness is always there
In the depths of Heart
Warmly embracing every expression
Every wave regardless of form
This old habitual No to life
Once again transformed into a Yes to Life.
This mystery of accepting Life as it is.