Unavailable for an intimate connection

First you were available
Now I don't sense that anymore
I wanted to meet you in your fullness
And it feels I received a close door
I wanted to meet your Heart
You let me in
But now I sense you put up the armour

First you walked slowly towards me
And for a short while you ran into my embrace
And now I feel you run away
From intimacy
From your fear of intimacy
and fear of loss

And I understand your heart is not ready
It is okay
I will embrace my disappointments

And be with my sadness and grief
Based on expectations not based in Reality
I want to embrace Life as it is now

Heart-available for meeting me as she
meets me now

I am grateful for what we had
For the wisdom you taught me in
meeting me and not-meeting me
The feelings that were awoke in me
My Heart's tender response 

For the beautiful emotional intimacy we shared

Teaching me to be with myself in uncertainty
And to cherish Love when she shows up in Her beauty

She shows up
She disappears - seemingly
She changes form
Changes season
She is always there
Always Here
She hides below expectations
She is closer than your breath
She is underneath your judgments

She is always waiting
For you to show up
To Life's gentle invitation

/Anders Branderud, 31/12-2015

Poem, Like a tender crescent moon

In the deep and dark twilight night
With sparkling twinkling stars so bright
With shining moon full of longing
and stars dancing around
Celebrating the Beauty and Mystery of Life

You are like a beautiful rose
Like a tender crescent moon
Openly sharing your light with everyone

When I behold the moon's reflection in your eyes
I am overwhelmed by beauty surrounded by beauty

My Heart is singing a Song of
Depth, Yearning and Longing
Yearning to Meet
To be present with
To resonate with
To deeply connect with
For Two Hearts Uniting in Complete Intimacy
For Mystery and Magic of Life

Anders Branderud, 6 november (Poem and photo)

Poetical reflections about intimate relationship, intimacy and loss

Poetical reflections about intimate relationship, intimacy and loss

I feel that in an intimate partnership relationship I would allow my partner

All freedom to express herself

To be The Beautiful Spirit she is

To grow in her Heart’s pace and space

To allow her Inner Rose to flourish in all her fragrances, colors and forms

To be with her expressions of her wildness, silence, grief and despair

Doubt, fear, anger, pain, Love, gratitude, separation and intimacy

To allow her richness, colors, forms, fragrances and depth of her Being to unfold

Provide a Loving and Accepting Space where she can Express her Wild Heart and roar

Where she in freedom can Dance her Heart’s unique dance

And join the moon, Sun and the stars

In their Luminous Free and Sparkling Dance

And if she would feel her calling to leave our Dance

And depart from our attuned, sacred and intimate Union

I would release her

And wish her well on her glorious and adventurous journey

And the Love and the connection

The fragrance, flavors, flowers and touch

The beauty, richness and intimacy

The Longing and Warmth of Heart would stay in my Heart

And maybe feelings of abandonment, rejection, grief and Loss would appear

Like children who wants to be sensed, felt, heard and hearted by my Heart

And I would embrace my Heart
And try to be with Her and embrace Her and Love her

And feel with Her and be so close to Her

And provide Her a Loving and Accepting Space

And gently Listen to her Pace

And tenderly Look into Her Gentle Gaze

Telling me Lovingly that Everything is Okay

I would hear her tender and warm whisper

That She is Vast as the Wide Ocean

And that the Universe is just a Refection

Of her Infinite Depth and Being

And that I never lost my Heart’s Beloved

Because in Heart there is no distance

In Heart there is no Loss

And Love changes colors and shapes, forms and fragrances

In all Her Infinite and Loving expressions

The Heart holds and Loves all the canvases, shapes and colors on the drawing of Life

I would feel the pain that was triggered from the losses of my Life that I had not been ready to be with until now

That my Heart protected me from in her Infinite Kindness and Love

And I would whisper to her:
I want to feel it now

I am ready to be with you in all your pain
I love you and I want to be with you – always

I want to be with you in Everything that you go through

I am not looking for a narcissistic love

I want to sacredly love you

Like the Holy Rose you are

Feel the beauty of You

Passionately feel you in all your fragrances

Lovingly be with not only Your softness and sensitivity

But also the thorns

And explore the Mystery and the Beauty

Dive into the mystery and find out that

They all are embraced by your Deep Love

And to rest in Your vastness

In midst of both Intensity and Silence

I would feel my Beloved Heart’s Loving embrace

Her warmth stroking all my body

Firmly and gently holding me

Providing a soft and safe space for the weary, adventurous and daring journeyer 

/Anders Branderud, 2015-11-17